Morning Guys,
This is the first note of this month, December.. I was waiting for something that I don't know what it is these days. Feels like being haunted by a feeling of sadness and yes, It comes..
As everyone around the world knows we have been married for more than a year, but until now there was no sign of pregnancy :'( To be honest as a woman I really want to feel that.. People surrounding always ask me about that, that is really suck.. Sometimes my eyes are like a full water tank, then I force myself to think about other things and it works..
But this morning I really cannot handle the tears. Well, no one ask me question about anything but that blood shows everything.. I was waiting anxiously coz I feel something different to my stomach since two weeks ago, I usually get the sign of period a week before the day, I didn't think that these was the sign of period, coz it's just too long.. But then I realize that those wasn't my prediction..
Huft.. I was sad, I was disappointed, I cried.. I was flashing back my memories when I was young.. I can still remember how I always struggle in getting things I want, I always say "no-no it's okay I don't need that" while actually I really like it, I was saying "maybe later" though I know I really need that, my life was not smooth since the very early age.. I mean I have a very beautiful life but I often get something more difficult than others, later than other, I have to struggle more than other do..
When I was teenager, I still remember how difficult it was to be me, in a love life, in social life.. Well, I am one of those talented and diligent girl but it was always difficult to have a boy I love.. I ever thought that there was no guy loving me sincerely coz I'm not that pretty, I'm even ugly.. Until I met my boyfriend (now my hubby)..
It didn't stop there, life brought another storm.. My parents showed a signal they don't like him.. I knew he was jobless and I knew he drunk alcohol.. Then he started to stop drinking and he can.. He tried his best to looked for a job and he got one though we needed to live in different island.. It was a year after he worked the Tsunami hit Padang, he came back here but again jobless.. Thank to God it didn't take too long to get a new job..
My parents were started giving me permission to be with him, other problems came..
Well yeah, finally we are married now.. And another problem come.. "When will we have at least a child, God?" Then I remember my own quotes I made on my facebook:
Some people get things way too easy
I need to do such effort to get them
First I thought it was unfair
It's kind of tiring
Why me not others but
Then I realize God knows I am strong enough to face it
I have the good ability to keep the pain somewhere in my heart
I am able to struggle until I get it
So now I am re-leaved
And now I am re-leaved..
