Mr. & Mrs. Bahagia: TODAY

Today is a tiring day, for about 15 hours after I woke up I haven't had any rest time. I started today with a smile at 7am, wished today would be better than yesterday. Then daily routines comes... Did some home and work duties, tried hard to divide time as good as possible.

As usual I went to my Hubby Candidat (HC) to have a visit and make sure he took all the medicines -since he got bad disease-, accompany him for a while and back to duties. At about 11, I was about to sleep when my hand and my brain suddenly forced me to text my HC, and guess what his answer is... 'Come here, I need you'. Owh God, just couldn't resist that.. Without thinking too much I went there and forget about how sleepy I was. Just to accompany him is more than anything, and the word 'need'... I love it...

There we were just talking, and share about his disease. After a long while talking, I went home to prepare for work. I have to work though my mind and my body said I couldn't but I had to. Took a bath, got dress, had lunch, and went to working place.

Teaching is my favourit time at work, coz I can get close to my student, be their friend... Though sometime they aren't really behave to me, but I know they love me, they don't know how to show me that they love me...

When teaching was finished, I did some other duties... Wished all could be finished and it's time to go home and have some rest... but then I got a message from my HC, he said he was in a clinic, and he got no. 14 to visit the doctor. And the fact was that the doctor hadn't come, he would come at 8.30pm. Because of that he went home then he asked me to accompany him to visit the doctor... I agreed...

I went home when it was time to go home, but my bro hadn't come... had to wait for about 30 minutes to go home. I was so hungry that I asked my HC to wait for me while I was eating. After that we went to the clinic.

We had to wait for about 5 no to come to our turn. We wait there patiently, while we were waiting for our turn, I saw him texting someone, I tried to peep but he tried to hide it from me, at last I found out that that text was for me, he wrote 'I think we are ment to be, we are solid and hope we can be a couple forever, as husband and wife', I smiled... I love him... I love the text he wrote, he is not a romatic person, he never boast or saying sweet nothing, but he just know how to treat me well... I love him...

Then It was time for us, the doctor examined my HC and asked several questions related to his disease. He answered what he felt and what he knew and there come the doctor analysis, he said this disease was caused by toothache which wasn't cured well, and it has become a little serious because there is infection. Hopefully there is no suppuration coz if there is it means this disease has become so serious, he needs to be cured and the suppuration needs to be taken out.

The doctor gave some medicines he has to take daily. And wow, it cost lot of money, but that's okay for me... The most important thing is he get back his healthy... He doesn't know exactly how much our money is coz he gave all his salary to me directly after he got it, every month.... He asked me to manage, I can see his belief in me of managing the money.

When he knew that it cost lot of money he showed his sad face, but I said what I feel that his health is more important than money... I love him that's why I need him to be healthy so we can go to some places we haven't visited since he got that disease...

Get well soon my dear HC, I love you... Anyone who read this note.. Pray for his health....

And now here I am at the end of this text... I just realize something that I haven't done 1 of my duty and the deadline is tomorrow... *cry* Well, all is going to be just fine.... ^_^

Saya Kecewa: Teacher and Students

Being a teacher is not easy. It makes your soul up and down like roller coaster. Deep inside my heart I only want to share all knowledge I know even the smallest or biggest one my students need to know even though they think they don't.

I only want to share, share honestly without lie. Sometimes students make you so happy because of their positive deeds, but sometimes they make you cry, crying like a baby.

For me it's okay feeling that way once, twice or three times, but God... if it happens many times... I'm only human, I cannot cope it...

Sometimes I really want to cry, but should I cry in front of them just to show that what they have done to me was really hurting my heart? I'm not that kind of teacher. I try to be patient, to hide every single pain I felt. Try not to be too childish to show it.

Well, I try to tell myself that this is all for them, none in return to me. It's just kind of subjection, I got salary but well, that's not the only thing I want. Deep down inside me, I really want to see them grow as a very successful children.

I don't really know will they still remember me when they grow up, when I grow older, when thye have got their successful life, when I was suffering from my old diseases.

Saya dan Puisi: Usual Vs Unusual

It is usual when a boyfriend often comes to his girl's house, but a girl often comes to her boy's house??

That's weird and so unusual, how could she do it?!

It is usual when a girlfriend rarely comes to her boy's house, but a boy rarely comes to his girl's house??

That's weird and so unusual, how could he do it?!

Saya dan Puisi: Have You People Ever Felt

Have you people ever felt

Like your age is getting older

Older than you ever known

Like your life is getting shorter

Shorter than you have ever asked

Like your hope disappears so fast

Even faster than you have ever thought

Like you are fear of your own death

The most fearful feeling you have ever felt

Everyday you wake up just to find

That you are dying on the sand of

Weaknesses, helplessness, fearfulness

I am feeling them now

Feeling like I'm going to be buried

Feeling like I'm going to be forgotten

Feeling like I'm going to die

Saya dan Puisi: Tonight Sky

I used to be afraid of the night sky
I thought it was frightening and terrifying
But this night I don't feel it
I don't know why, I really enjoy watching it
Watching the stars try to show their existance
I love tonight sky

Saya dan Puisi: Can Anyone Answer My Question

Where is everyone?
Where are they going?
Can't they hear me?
Can't they see me?
Why don't they notice me?

Why can I see me there?
Laying down on a small wooden bed
With pale skin and
I can't see my breast going up and down
No breath

Can I come back?
Can anyone answer this question?

Saya dan Puisi: Trace the Past

Have you ever look back

when your way suddenly stopped

have you ever measure

how many miles have you stepped

that’s the way i feel now

i just don’t know how

the brain has been distracted

the memory fades away

only a little shade of history left

if i were given a time

i would trace what i have left

i would take evey little piece of my memory

from my history

seeing an old friends, old teachers, family, relatives

who were forgotten

who were left behind

who had passed away

who had moved to different time and place

they have led us to where we are now

but forgotten

i would take every little piece of my memory

from my history

to recall the laughter we shared

to recall the sadness we passed

to recall all the ups and downs

i miss them, i do miss them

i miss all of them

i miss you...

Saya dan Puisi: That Black Point

suddenly everything seems so old

suddenly everything seems so far away

suddenly everything seems fade away

running doesn't change anything

walking so slow will be left behind

scream out loud won't be heard

whispering so soft will be forgotten

suddenly cold runs from the tip of my fingers

from the toe to the whole part of the body

blood become as solid as stone

the heart beats so fast

the black point comes closer

faster than i could ever thought

the shade of darkness comes....

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Menyadari Tanpa Harus Mengalami - Catatan Seorang Hamba Terhadap Tuhannya

I love the way how GOD arrange these all to me... Aku gak harus merasakan sakit untuk menyadari sesuatu yang harus aku hindari, aku gak harus jatuh terperosok untuk menjadi seseorang yang jauh lebih baik, aku gak harus survive terlalu berat serta membuang2/menghabiskan banyak uang untuk menjadi bahagia...

I love the way how ALLAH make it up for me...

Dulu aku berfikir tak akan ada yang berusaha menggoyahkan diriku karena memang tak ada yg aku punya yang bisa digoyah...

Dulu aku berfikir tak akan ada yang menginginkan apa yang aku miliki, karena memang hanya segitu yang aku miliki...

Dulu aku berfikir tak akan ada yang akan menjatuhkanku, karena memang aku tak berada setinggi itu...

Intinya I think everybody deserve to get what they should get... Nothing to lose for me...

Sampai akhirnya aku menyadari sesuatu, aku harus lebih banyak bersyukur akan apa yang aku miliki saat ini... Semua kebahagiaan ini, semua limpahan rahmat ini, semua limpahan rezeki, dan limpahan kasih sayang ini yang begitu meluap2 keluar membanjiri hidupku...

Terimakasih Allah atas semuanya, aku bersyukur Allah memberikan semuanya padaku... Semua ini aku anggap sebagai amanah dari-Mu... Semoga aku bisa menjalaninya dengan tulus, ikhlas, dan kepala dingin meski cobaan dan godaan pasti datang menerpaku...

Aku siap menghadapi semuanya ya Allah... I love you so much... I really do...