My Second Breathless Moment

It is 2:30 a.m. now.. Sakit bgt rasany.. Sesak sekali.. This condition is worse than the last time I got but my mind wasn't as calm as it is now. I can even count how many breathe I can take in a minute.. And support myself to keep breathing.. Feels like going to be kicked out of this so-damn-beautiful world but really I wanna stay a little longer.. God help me out of this situation.. Yes I do I wanna meet you but please not now.. Hope you understand, dear God.. I love You so much..

Rak Bacaan Saya: Kening Fitrop

Mungkin buat orang-orang diluar sana yang hobi baca menahun ngerasa biasa aja dengan hal ini, tapi buat aku yang udah kehilangan kebiasaan itu beberapa tahun lalu yang nyasar entah kemana, ini hal paling extra-ordinary bisa melahap habis buku Fitrop dalam tempo 24 jam (ya.. lebih dikit lah..) seperti saat melahap komik Sinchan dan sejenisnya dulu.. beberapa tahun lalu.. Selamat bu Fitrop, anda berhasil membuat saya membayangkan anda dalam scene-scene film di Kening saya.. Salam buat Agra.. Pribadinya menarik hati (ceilah..) Siapa dia sebenarnya?? #wink-wink

Special Occasion: Happy Ramadhan Month

It has been a long time since the last time I logged in to this lovely diary, missing writing so much but nothing can be shared today... need silent time situation and condition to rewind my mind and write it down here.. hahaha...

So here I come just to say "Happy Ramadan Month" wishing you a very blessing month..

I will come next time in the right time to write down the days I've been through...

C Ya!!

RGB

Cerita Sedikit: Ngglethek

Walking around so far, wasting some of my times, then choosing what I want and what I like.. Just to find out at last that what I really wanted do not belong to me..

◦◦◦

Well, I intentionally stopped speaking and just waited and see.. Not even choosing which I need or I want, I just follow him.. And what I have guessed is right.. We're going no where.. And got nothing.. I just tried to make the analogy of this moment and other important decision in life.. Marriage.. Really hope that is not what will happen in my life with him..

Mr. & Mrs. Bahagia: One Voice was Heard by God

04-06-11
22:16
I have to write or I will surely forget it or even I will never have time to write it.

I got a very terrible cough and flu yesterday. Actually I have felt that since 31st of May, but I didn't know why people started recognizing that I got flu and cough a day after that day. Well, that's not too important. Just a lil curious how it could happen. It might be the sign that this time the flu and cough would be worse than before.

Two days ago when I woke up in the morning, I got a more terrible flu and cough than before. It was so difficult for me to take a breath. I nearly forgot how to breathe. I cried, crumble, all the negative thought passed through my mind. I was so panic. I send text to my friend, asking whether it is kind of asthma or not. At night I couldn't sleep, coz I couldn't freely breath. My breast was so sick. It felt like something kept pushing it and wouldn't let me breathe. I tried my best to sleep hoped something good would happen when I woke up.

But yesterday I was getting even worse. In the morning at six I tried to take the same medicine I had taken the previous night, coz I felt the cough was getting better after I took that medicine. But then I found myself getting worse even in the afternoon so I decided not to work coz I was so afraid I would make all the people at work got disturbed by my groan/whimper... And it would not good for the environment.

Dad said Mom got a prescription from our relative who is a doctor, well I felt a lil relieve coz I believe soon they would bring the medicine to me but... I was waiting for about three hours or so, but they didn't come. They came in the evening. Oh God, you know how terrible my condition was.

Well, I took the medicine but I didn't feel anything better in me. My HC came and talked to me, he served me a glass of warm ginger water. And I drank it. We didn't know why anytime he wanted to go home there was always something to cancel it. Then we were talking until about 8.

We were so shocked coz my uncle came to us and talked to us. At first I thought he would blame me for something or just remind us of something. But then we knew he wanted to talk about me and my HC relationship. He has known that we are having a serious relationship. He said that my sickness -ma ag- is caused by stressful thinking. And he really believe that this is bcoz I was thinking about our relationship.

He said he was out too long this day bcz he talked abt this things to mom. I didn't know whether to agree on what he said or not, coz I myself was not sure if it is the cause of my sickness. But he was right when he said we (me, my HC, and my parents-esp Mom) are too difficult to find the right moment to talk about it. And he said this was the right moment for him to tell us and to give us help if we think we need mediator... Well, I was just silent but my HC told all about our problem to him. And he gave us many words which I think those words are right...

My body was still not well but he said it would be better after this talk. Yeah, I was so happy at that time, at least one problem have been solved. We (me n my HC) were planning to talk the next day, it means today.

What about my sickness... It was not getting better, coz I could still feel something stopping me to freely breathe... Then I vomited and felt a lil relieve. But at night it's getting worse again. Thank God mom asked my to sit sleeping. I couldn't sleep but at last I felt so tired being like that and tried to lay down my body and... I slept...

(To be continued)

Saya dan Murid-murid Saya: My Students Birthday

It is a story about three days ago, two days ago, and yesterday...

Another ordinary class with extra-ordinary students...

This most diligent student came earlier than usual (he usually comes 30mins late but this time he comes on time). Well I started the class and discussed school materials, then the second boy come, he is the most unpredictable boy I have ever known, I am often irritated by him, but well the more I get to know him, the more I know him, and the more I let him be like him (I always try to tell myself that if you cannot change him, you should change the way you see him, I do it till now... Trying hard to do so). Thinking a bout him reminds me a proverb, "If you want to change a man, change him when he was born" XD

The teaching and learning activity ran well, and suddenly I check the presence list and I found something, birth date of some students. And there stated 26/5... My eyes suddenly blinking fast... "Treat... Treat... Treat...," that sound surrounding my head. So I said, "Wow, there will be a celebration tomorrow, won't it?" That unpredictable boy was just smiling, recognising what I thought... And he said, "Okay, I treat you next meeting... Where?" We are all thinking and giving ideas, and finally we agreed to have a class @aQuanos Cafe near the course place.

While we were talking abt it another student came, she is now the only girl student we have. She's so nice but so shy, seems like she doesn't get used to a class like this (she was from other class but since all of her friends who are vocational high school students are on job training, she was moved to this class). I asked her to join the party, too.

Mr. & Mrs. Bahagia: The Second Therapy

A note of May 21st, 2011

It was the second time I got the therapy, well ya I can feel the difference *though it cost much

Feels like I'm getting much better but sometimes the headache still come and gone

I asked the therapist about whether it could be like stroke and so on or not.

He said and tried to explain to me that it could be like that if I didn't take a treatment

*is it such a promotion??

*WINKING to the Therapist* <>

He really hopes I could be helped

Hopefully there will be not bad things happening to me...

Amin...

Mr. & Mrs. Bahagia: Mencoba Bangkit

Hari Jumat ini berlalu begitu cepat. Sudah satu minggu berlalu sejak hari dimana aku jatuh pingsan. Rasa sakit itu masih aku rasakan, bahkan hari ini jauh lebih parah dari kemarin. Aku tahu dan sangat yakin penyebabnya adalah rasa kantuk yang amat sangat tapi aku tidak bisa tidur.

Tapi alhamdulillah, sore tadi sampai dengan maghrib aku berhasil tidur setelah perjuangan panjang.

Oh iya, tepat tanggal 20 Mei pula. Hari kebangkitan nasional ini, jadi aku pun harus bangkit dari semua ini.

"Mencoba berkawan dengan penyakit," kata seorang bijak padaku

"Banyak berdoa dan meminta maaf, siapa tahu kita saling bersalah," kata seorang bijak lainnya

dan...

"Penyakit itu jangan dirasakan, dibuat senang aja," kata seorang bijak satunya

Jadi ingat lagunya Anggun C. Sasmi...

"It's all in your mind, in your mind"

Dan ya, ketiga orang bijak yang berkata padaku ini benar...

So...

"Perkenalkan penyakit, namaku Rani..."

"Semuanya... maafkan semua kesalahanku, baik sengaja maupun tidak... Please..."

dan...

"I am fine... I am okay... Nothing is happening to me"

^^v

Mr. & Mrs. Bahagia: I was unconscious yesterday

Two days ago I felt unwell, suddenly my voice changed, I thought I got flue and cough.

Yesterday it was getting worse. I woke up early in the morning and planned to be off from work today coz I got temperature, headache, and I finally lost my voice.

In the afternoon, I was sleeping when mom suddenly called out my name and asked for a help. I hurriedly woke up and tried to help her.

Well when I woke up I felt my heart beat in an unusual rhythm. A couple minutes after I help mom I felt my heart beat faster and faster, I can still feel it till now. Then I lost my balance, and I suddenly collapsed, I was unconscious. For some minutes my soul was flying away. Then I recover from the unconsciousness.

All I could see was Dad. He was holding me and I was sat on a chair. I was really limp, I couldn't even lifting my head. It felt like spinning around. I burst into tears, they came out of my eyes. My Dad kept on asking me to say Istighfar, and I kept praying it was not the last time I live in the world.

My mind went away, I was really scared, I felt nausea and I had to keep my head laid on the wall. Mom made a glass of warm tea for me. Everyone in my home came to see me. I felt so nausea. And mom decided to take me to the bathroom to vomit.
Then yeah I vomit.

All the food I have eaten came out. I was a lil bit happy coz I finally a lil relieve. No more nausea though my body was still limp. Mom took me to the bed, asked me to have a rest, then slept beside me.

On the bed, Mom was fell a sleep but I couldn't sleep at all. I decided to tell my HC abt what happened to me, he asked me to have a rest and promised to come after I woke up.

He came in the afternoon, he said I needed to set aside all the working stuffs that cause me stressful. I knew this condition is psycho somatic, I was too busy these days and think too much. I need to break for a moment. I am so weak lately. I hope I can get more rest.

Saya dan Cerita: Ide Cerita

Ini cuma ide cerita aja, buat yang mau bikin jadi cerita full silahkan.. karena jujur aku sendiri gak ada waktu buat ngerjainnya... tapi jangan nyaplok sembarangan yach, ijin dulu ke aku... terus, ntar klo uda bikin draft ceritanya jangan lupa di-share ke aku... pingin baca.... ^_^

~......begini idenya......~

Pernahkan kalian tertidur pada suatu malam dan bermimpi, di pagi harinya kalian terbangun dan mendapati apa yang kalian mimpikan tadi malam terjadi dihadapan kalian. Percaya atau tidak hal itu sangat sering aku alami. Terlalu sering untuk dapat aku ingat semuanya satu persatu secara detail. Tapi satu hal ini sangat membekas dan tidak akan pernah hilang.

Pada suatu pagi ketika aku bersiap untuk berangkat kuliah,

~Tiiin tiiinn~

Klakson angkot langgananku memanggil, dari luar terdengar suara si abang sopir berteriak dengan nyaringnya, "Neeeeng... cepetan, Neng"

"Sabar, Bang. Tinggal pake sepatu doank," sahutku dengan tidak kalah lantangnya. Kedua orang tuaku hanya tersenyum. Kemudian aku berpamitan kepada mereka berdua dan berlari sekuat tenaga.

Aku dengan sigap menaiki angkot bang Thamrin yang ternyata sudah penuh, dan hanya menyisakan satu tempat kosong di pojok dekat pintu. Pantatku hanya duduk separuh, aku berusaha menggeser orang di sampingku berharap dia berbesar hati untuk sedikit bergeser dan merapat. Tapi dia tidak sedikitpun bergeser, malah berkata, "telat minta jatah kursi".

(to be continued...)

Mr. & Mrs. Bahagia: Note for the Day

It is 10.40pm,

wow... I stay up late again (well for me it's late already).

It is okay, just spending a little time to note my day.

I opened my eyes at 5am, the nature call woke me up.

I took wudhu and did subuh prayer.

I really hoped I could sleep after the prayer,

but then Mom asked me to accompany Dad to have a morning stroll.

I really felt so tired but I tried to say yes,

well Dad rarely want to have a morning stroll and at this time I tried to force him though I was really, really tired.

And as usual, I just didn't work.

He didn't want to wake up and chose to sleep, and my morning ended up in bed.

Yahoo.... there I slept again...

I woke up at 9am,

I realized I haven't done one of my duty which deadline was today,

so I directly opened the laptop and did what I had to do.

Thank God I could finish it easily,

and printed it.

Like usual, after everything had been done in the morning I went to my HC house.

I asked him if he had taken the medicine or not,

and I asked him whether he's getting better or not,

and his answer relieved me a little coz he said it's getting better...

After a short while talking with him,

I went home and prepare for work.

I promised him I would come before I went to work so we have time to talk.

But then I realized the time was not enough for us to have a talk,

I just came to his house and say goodbye.

He had no choice but to leave me and said goodbye, too.

I was sad but I know he understood why.

I went to work at 1.20pm, my brother took me to work.

On our way to my working place I asked him to stop to copy some papers used for teaching today.

Well, my day at work was fine.

An old friend came to have a visit,

she is still the same like she was.

The way she talks still in an excited way,

it was just nice to see her again.

She brought me a book from a seminar we will join in March 26th,

it's about teaching and learning.

She's just nice.

It was raining but still she came to send that book and the receipt of the seminar.

Thanks, Sis, for your kindness.

She went home before the rain stopped coz she had to go to her friend's house.

I thought my students wouldn't come because until 5pm they hadn't come,

but then they came and I had to teach them.

Well, this was time for speaking so it was not really hard to teach.

The second class I had today was 9th graders, and thursday is time to have a try out, so it doesn't need much energy coz I just need to supervise them.

Go home time came,

I received a text from my HC,

he said he wanted me to come to his house to accompany him after I reached home.

My brother picked me up just as usual, not on time.

We didn't directly go home,

He needed to buy something and then we went to a CD rental.

I took a long time coz there were lot of customers came.

We reached home at about 8.30pm,

I planned to directly go to his house after finishing dressed up,

but before I finished doing all I wanted to do he sent me text,

he said he wanted to sleep.

Oops... I knew he got angry coz until about 9pm I hadn't gone to his house.

I replied it by asking him to wait coz I was about to go to his home when he texted me.

Then as fast as I could I went to his house.

There he was laying on his bed and about to sleep but I tried to wake him up...

Then he woke up,

as usual I asked him whether he had taken the medicines or not,

he answered yes, but then he asked me should he come back to the doctor and buy the medicines again coz he thought it is just too expensive...

Then I found out he hadn't taken one of the medicine.

I got angry because of that.

We caught in an argue,

and ended up with no words...

I tried to break the ice by asking him to take that medicine,

he did what I asked him to.

Then I told him that I really love him, I want him to recover and healthy again.

He said nothing just nodding.

I said to him money is nothing compare with his health.

I want him to be healthy, coz if he's sick I am so sad.

If he doen't take his medicines, he is not hurting his health, he's hurting me.

I told him that if I was sick I want to be treated the same way I did to him.

I know he will do the same way I do to him...

The medicine made him easily hungry,

and that time, too...

So we cooked noodle together and I asked him to eat.

And I was so shocked that I found out he hadn't eaten another medicine he should take...

I asked him to take that and asked him to sleep.

And now here I am... stuck in front of the laptop writing this note....

I really want to sleep.

Well, it takes about an hour to write this note coz while writing I watch 4mata and other program.

Okay that's all...

I need to sleep now...

But, can I???

Hopefully....